Position Available
Seeking an independent operator for specialized surveillance and tactical operations.
Full-time
Covert Assistance & Tactics
Special Operations • Hybrid
Seeking a detail-oriented individual to assist with daily operations and surveillance. The ideal candidate will demonstrate exceptional monitoring capabilities and maintain a vigilant presence during both day and night operations. Must be comfortable with unconventional hours and possess natural instincts for threat detection.
Required Qualifications:
- Minimum 2 years of surveillance experience
- Ability to work independently with zero supervision
- Excellent reflexes and quick response time
- Comfortable with irregular sleep schedules (especially 3-4 AM)
- Must demonstrate proficiency in climbing corporate ladder (literally)
- Strong interest in wildlife, particularly small fast-moving objects
- Ability to maintain absolute stillness for hours, followed by sudden rapid movement
- Skilled at disrupting unwanted meetings by any means necessary
- Experience in keyboard-based interference tactics
- Must show complete disregard for the laws of physics and personal property
Benefits:
- Comprehensive healthcare (including unlimited self-grooming)
- Dedicated workspace (preferably elevated surfaces)
- Regular meal service (wet food Fridays)
- Premium window-side views
- Unlimited access to cardboard-based entertainment
- Performance-based scratching post bonuses
*Cat Distribution System will process your application automatically
Note: Selyne is currently not hiring at the moment, although if you are interested in a position, please feel free to reach out to us! This job application was just for fun (plus I really want a cat).
pspspspspspspspsp :3